As time goes by…

My word…
It’s almost April… which means that this year is almost over… kind of!
Scary how fast time goes by!
Well… today is Wednesday
Got home from work around 1 hour ago
Soooooooooo hungry
Had some nice soup for lunch
Lunch – that’s far too many hours ago
The other day my car decided to take a break. It simply didn’t ’start‘
So I called this guy (what’s the name of the guy you call when your car doesn’t work… Anyways, the insurance people send this guy) and he found out that the ‚battery‘ was dead.
Great!
So I droped the car off at the garage, tried to convince them that I’d need the car back after work (it worked 🙂 they replaced that thing and now the car’s kinda ok – most of the time!
But now… my radio doesn’t work anymore, cause when the battery breaks down it does something to the radio… I’m supposed to type in some code – which OF COURSE I don’t have – so – my Radio doesn’t work anymore!
It takes me about 30 min. to work (one way). At first it was really weird to sit in that car for THAT long without any entertainment. But but now I actually start to enjoy this ‚Quiet time‘.
I realized that I’ve become a ‚entertainment junkie‘. As soon as I get up I turn on the Radio to listen to some music or the news, getting into my car I listen to some music or the news (you get it… 🙂 and even at work – doing some brainless stuff I listen to… nope… not the news… 🙂 just music!
So I’ve started to use the silence in my car for other things – like praying and singing! I’m really glad that no one (besides God) can hear me.
It might sound weird but it has become a special time; a ‚God/Heike time‘!

I’m not sure how to put it into words and maybe this isn’t even the place to write down all this stuff… I’ll say it anyways:
‚Life is SOOOOO ijlkndfkntirhfdnKSJtjöarökökska… weird!‘
Man I just wish I could turn off emotions. They aren’t really handy!
They influence my life FAR too much. The scary thing is that I’m not even such a feeler person – much more a head person… thinking more than anything else. I guess things are changing!
The other day we met with our whole team, as every morning and and soon as this one guy opend his mouth I realized (I guess our whole team did) that he was in a bad mood. Negative about absolutly everything! Usually I’m quite ok with it – thinking about it – his attitude makes me even more positive – at least outwardly!
But this time it felt like I was been taken over by his bad mood. I started to be snappy and to overreact by other people’s comments!
Later on someone else from the team commented on my behaviour stating that I was quite in a bad mood. And the thing is: that I actually wasn’t!
Before I steped into the office I was totally ok! Ready for a new day!
Life would be so much easier if there weren’t any other people around me!
🙂 I now that this is SILLY!!!!! But it just feels like it!
The last few days have been like this:
Getting up… spending time with God… doing all this stuff you do after you’ve woken up and you need to get ready for work… then on my way to work – this ‚Silence thing’… looking at the beauty outside… God’s amazing creation… and then Work.
And not long after the work day starts I say stupid stuff to others I do silly things and it really pulls me down!
Like you’ve got a blank page before you and you want to write something nice and important on it… you wanna write it as neatly as possible – you simply want it to be the PERFECT letter and then… after your first 3 lines you drop something on it or someone disturbs you… AH!!!!!
So frustrating!
This just kills the whole day!
Hm… listening to myself I sound kinda crazy!
I just remember that someone said that it’s not about falling or failing… it’s more about what you do with it! What do I do after I’ve fallen after I’ve failed AGAIN?!

Hm….

Ok… enough for today!
Should I really post this?